Hairy bits and pieces

Hair. We've all got it. Ok, sweeping generalisation. Some of us have it, some of us don't and well some of us had it and then lost it. Some of us have a shit tonne of it (my husband is in this camp) and around 50% of the worlds population have been taught from the time we hit puberty that we should be ashamed of our body hair. So much so that we should use razors, creams, lasers or any other means possible to get rid of it. Because you know. Hair is gross. But only if you are a woman.*

*it should be noted that while I will use the terms “men” and “women” throughout this article, I do not intend to exclude those individuals who identify with non-binary or fluid gender identities.


There are so many weird expectations that society seem to put out there, especially if you are a woman. And, I am not just talking about the removal of it. Think about it... There are so many decisions. What colour it is, how long it is, if you trim it, pluck it, wax it, dye it. My god, it makes me exhausted just thinking about all the shit I have to damn well think about just to fit into this stupid structure. And god forbid that I don't adhere to the rules. I mean, what if I didn't shave my legs, but still wore a skirt. Outrageous right? I can hear the remarks now. You bloody Hairy Feminist being hurtled from the crowd. I mean, thats meant to be an insult right? Right on brother, you do you.

Lets just think about it for a second. Where does this whole idea of the perfect woman being this hairless amazonian goddess? Realistically the basis of the whole construct is that men are meant to be hairy, and women, well women are meant be the opposite of men. So obviously we should be hairless. Right? Ha. Wrong. Our underarm hair is not gross. The length of our leg hair does not dictate our worth, and that hair on your upper lip girl, that doesn't make you less beautiful. Our hair is as natural, as natural as our male counterparts. I hope this isn't groundbreaking for anyone reading it... If I am shattering your patriarchal notions of reality let me just hit you with one more, we can't all cook, we don't all want to quit our jobs and raise children and, hold onto your hats, but sometimes, we fart. Actually some of us fart a lot. Especially after nachos.

Anyway, all of this got me thinking… Of all the things us women have to worry about, why do we give so much fucking attention to something that really effects no one else. Having less hair doesn’t make us better or worse. It just makes us different. In fact, it just makes us human. Have you ever thought about why you shave your legs? I had this discussion with this guy, who insisted women do it because we want to. I spoke to a girlfriend who said the same thing. But. Do we really? Do we really want to spend time, every 2 or 3 days, removing hair from our body? Or do we do it because we think we should? Because we are told we should, because, you know, we are women?

I've come to realise that shaving, waxing, plucking, and all the rest of it is really just a time consuming societal pressure that us ladies partake in because we should, more than because we want to. Now I am not saying we should all just stop, but if you don’t want to pluck your eyebrows or trim your lady bush, then fucking don’t do it this month. You know there is nothing wrong with that at all.

In fact, there are so many other things we could be doing with that time. I know you told someone how busy you were this week. Let me propose a list of eleven other things we could do in the time it takes me to shave my legs in the morning… obviously I am only talking about summer because honestly, who shaves in winter? Bring on the stockings people. Bring on the stockings.

ONE. Make yourself breakfast and another coffee. You deserve it.  In the time it takes to run your razor over your legs, you could make a couple of pieces of toast, cover them in peanut butter (because who doesn't love peanut butter) and eat all the carbs. Nourish your body girl, you deserve it.

TWO. Write a letter to a pal and tell her how glorious she is. Or just facebook her. I know, you are a modern woman.

THREE. Engage in a twitter debate over politics, or feminism or what cat video is funniest. I'm not here to tell you want to do, but with the state of the world at the moment, the voice of a strong independent women is needed. Trust me.

FOUR. Watch half an episode of New Girl. Or Crazy Ex Girlfriend. Seriously, both of those shows are tops.

FIVE. Eat some chocolate or drink some wine or both. Maybe not if your usual hair removal routine is in the morning before a day in the office. I am absolutely not advocating for going to work drunk. Unless you are having a particularly bad week. Then you do you girl. You do you.

SIX. Make sure your cat is fed in Neko Atsume. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. If that ain't your thing, maybe smash some candies in candy crush. You get the picture.

SEVEN. Give yourself some pleasure, and don't be embarrassed by the fact you have.

EIGHT. Catch up on your favourite blog, or you know, the news. I'll be honest, I have been avoiding the news for the last little while. All this craziness has been making my head spin, so I have been defaulting to buzzfeed and manrepeller mostly. Get amongst that shit ladies. Knowledge is power.

NINE. Buy a cute new pair of shoes from your fave online store. Or skirt. Or top. Or dress. Splash out, spend some money, buy yourself something cute. This post isn't about consumerism.

TEN. Make out with your significant other, and if you don’t have one swipe right a few times.

ELEVEN. Whatever else the fuck you feel like. Whatever makes you happy, like really truly happy. Do something that brings you joy, that celebrates YOU. Because I don't know if anyone has told you this today, but you are fucking rad, with or without hair on your legs.